Tea With Me: 5th June, 2022 Sunday
Well Dream Kite flew low enough for the tail to drape my hand nudging me to find the words this morning.
I am on a tour, on a plane, Husband is with me. Out the window we fly low over a town built some time ago, its center oen for the flow of town and all its buildings. French and Gothic, pale yellow stone, rim the center in raw angeld runs of random levels, peaked tiled roofs, chimneys and leaded window glass. The overall shape is as if the architect imagined a stream’s meandering course of a river…
So then there is a very clear image of a man in dark clothing with long dark hair coming through my backyard from the field gate and I definitely know he should not be there.
I am sitting on the front porch of this amazing Santa Fe Lady we have spent the last two years making sure she is continuing to be habitable because she, two years ago, was on the verge…
God Fucking Dammit the iMac Desktop I have been relying on to keep track of all of my creative money rivers decided yesterday to Fucking not load Monterey…middle of the load bar, stall…what the fuck!!!
I am a USER of Apple and Microsoft Technology to the point of knowing what they pay their entry level employees to know so when I FINALLY decide to call APPLE Support and get their recent hire who can read the same articles I can read, I know that the quick fixes they can offer are never the answer to my unique problems. My problems are unique because for some reason, I am one they borke the mold on…
So Friday afternoon I decide to call APPLE, have a lovely conversation with a sweet young man who is living in Eastern Canada far away from his Pacific Island home and family. While he guides me through the Recovery Mode key strikes and Disk Utility and we find there is no problemo with the disks, he leaves me to wait for Monterey to reinstall because he is convinced that that will solve all.
So five hours later, that frggin load bar is stuck in the middle again so I redo all of what I just did thinkin maybe the second time round will be magic…
Whats that old saying? The definition of insanity is…
Yesterday morning I call APPLE SUPPORT AGAIN and a sweet woman answers the phone and sees my dilemma in my case, yes I have a case, and at this point I could be diagnosed as a case, and she offers me the ideas that if what she has in her stack of articles don’t work she would be happy to hand me off to THE GENIUS…I think hmmmm and say, “Honey, I know you’d try your darndest to fix my stuff but I am pretty damn sure I am gonna end up needing Genius so lets just go there.” She is happy to oblige.
The Genius gets on the line.
He listens to my tale which goes on a while and he sums up my dilemma in a nano second. He then proceeds to utter potentials for rocket science fixes which have frequent repititions of the phrase and “if that doesn’t work. We can do this…” and ends up with and “if none of this works…”
I’m screwed…
So he walked me through all the next level quick fixes before the truly go back to the beginning of time one, and of course none of them did squat.
So we went back to the beginning which required unplugging the wireless so the computer could have the ethernet internet and after two hours he said he needed lunch. So he left me with instructions…
All bloody day yesterday…I left it for an hour to do eliptical while it was loading something…and I was so deeply disturbed, why?
Something deep was rumbling.
Well, I bought this IMac right after my Mother passed. Like a week.
As I experienced my deep deep grief about the Mama who had loved me and who I had loved but we had our differences, I moved my technological home onto this machine. Somehow, in the question about whether this machine is past its date of obsolesence, lives the life of my Mama Love.
Hey, I know, and you know, I am wierd, and let my emotions have their breath. Learned a while ago it does me no good to ask them to be quiet when they are not.
Now there are the ones which are fun and social, happiness and joy, for instance. But there are the ones which when fully breathing can disturb the ground in others, like the hard hard weep with gasp and cry, the one that feels like a monster coming out and seems if loosed it will never go away.
Thats the one thats most important to let live. That sorrow is the Soul’s Heart Bath. And when its done, its done. No worries, life goes on and is so much lighter…
My Mama clutched back that one. Said, “Don’t. If you do, I will too and I am afraid it will never ever stop.”
It does. I wish I could have known how to hold her so she could let this one breathe while she was here…so she could know she could be Light instead of frightened all the time which made her tough to Love. She gripped so tight, there wasn’t ever room to just dance the Love we all had for her.
Ah, but she knows now, on the other side of this, she is Loved.
I am so so glad.
I am still looking at this screen which seems to not like the last little bit I need it to embrace…
This I can undo on my own.
Tea was jasmined green.
Ta.
Tea With Me 