Well, a few days ago it was cold here and gray and dark. An ice storm threatened, thought about it and wafted out a lot of rain.
I wondered why I left sunny California t as my aging bones ache and my middle tire waist line insulation swells with the dropping thermometer.
Warmth. It feels far these days at times. My children have flown South for Christmas as the cycle of Divorce dictates even 20 years on that I must be without them once again this Christmas.
I try to muster Grace about that.
Its Christmas. My 60th.
Oh that gives me pause.
I have less ahead than those behind.
The Magic. I know its here. It always swirls. Silent as it builds. The rush, the stress, the performance whatever your casted role you feel some effect of this moment of the year.
Be you Christian, Muslim, Jew, or any of the multitude Beliefs for what is out beyond, we all glop together for this moment of the year. All focused on membership or alienation from a tradition which at its purest is about unconditional embrace. Human instinct knows in the fundament of Together we survive. Alone…?
I have never held this moment in the year as exclusive to the mythology of Jesus. The symbols of Christmas are Evergreen, New Life, Animal Spirits, Stellar signaling, Light, the communion of disconnected peoples and many others. Christmas indeed wears a coat of many colors.
Christmas without children is a different experience. Of course I have the dogs which are eternal four legged children and then of course there is Harpo who is not quite child and not quite Human.
The puppy keeps grabbing the Santa hat that erupted from the random Christmas box we pulled to do a pared down Holiday. Why vomit all that stuff across the house if its just us? Well, as she shakes the hat trotting round the house, I feel the shake inside my Heart.
I have loved Christmas. Work that it has been, stressed as it has been, all the different kinds of Christmases I have had, I have always seemed to have been blessed by some wonder moment that has made me pause to mark the Magic, the Shimmer, that Something reaches through the veil of Beyond and touches my Life somehow.
This year the Light, the Magic, the Shimmer has come. Husband and I are gazing through the tunnel of 18 years to our first moments and find that we are who we were and more. We were gifted eachother Christmas Eve, ’01. 18 years he has held my hand through light and dark I am so so glad. My Heart has sparked again.
May whatever it is you need to touch your Heart to spark its Love come to you. That is all that this season is about.
May you source and experience Love and Light in 2020. We need us all.
Ta.
Tea With Me 