21 September, 2018 Friday
Well, the dream last night was indeed vivid. I dreamt I sold The Gorge and moved back to Central FLA to a house I used to own. It had been treated well and expanded and the yard had grown had a pool no less. I had left The Gorge on a whim and chosen to go backwards and all the reasons why I left FLA came flooding in as soon as I arrived. Why had I come back?
As I walk in I am surrounded by a crowd of good and loyal women all greeting me with joy. Something about the transaction was not quite right. But all was said and done and I owned it once again. The house has an inventory of a business that had failed. I wonder why its still here and if it is for sale. The fence around the back is incomplete and stranger dogs come roaming in the house. I do not want them here. There is a dog park cross the road with paths and fences and other Zois.
My x husband is also here waiting for a talk. We are not, its he and I apart. His new wife is somewhere waiting for him.
I think of all the reasons why I left this place again and wonder why I’m here.
And I wake to a morning stiff with inner storm.
There are things embedded here which will not go away. Sometimes they fade into the walls and silent do they dwell but never truly fade. Held so strong by wounded hearts, I am not that I try to send but muted are my cries by ears that cannot hear.
Trauma is a wild thing. It comes feral out of silence at the merest hint at that which sources it. Past is past and let it go. Oh so very hard for those who bear that special kind of scar, the scar that just will not heal.
I also have those scars so I understand. They are the vestiges of onslaughts from those who did not know any better at the time. But we must go on, oh yes we must, and water parts of us that still can move with hope there still are some.
Its flat grey today out the window with the volcano view. Weather comes tomorrow this grey its herald. Its not too chill but not too warm, its kind of perfect weather.
The trees that rim my lovely Field are shifting out of green. They each sing their change in their own way. Summer closes down today.
As Husband hugged me pouring a waterfall, Little Lady Princess Zoi slithered her frothy form in between us and stayed a while. We were a perfect Zoiwich, I recommend it highly for anything that ails you as its the perfect remedy. Thank you Little Lady Zoi.
So those of us who Dog will understand that being round them as they sleep is truly grand. Midday round about any room I am in, you’ll find them scattered dreaming what they do. So beautifully they do express the peace they do enjoy.
Zoi struck a pose last evening standing in her yard. I caught her looking lovely
Tea was Earled honey creamed.
Ta.
Tea With Me 